part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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