its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
