So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
