he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There are leaves in my underwear?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
