Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
