capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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