Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
