stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
