I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
