I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
