try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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