ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize