Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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