Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
