Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
