I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize