Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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