Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
