Walk of Shame. In a state park.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
