I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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