So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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