I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
