don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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