if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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