So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
