i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
