dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
