My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
