just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
