The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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