Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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