She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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