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Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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