God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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