Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
