Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
