Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
