They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
