this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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