when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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