At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
