Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
