Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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