I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
