I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
