Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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