So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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