Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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