If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
