Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
