So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
