I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
