am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
