Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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