I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
