chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
