Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
