How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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