The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
