What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize