I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
