Your dad touched me again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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