yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
