Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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