apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
