girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
