it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
