so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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