There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
