Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
