just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
