He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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