What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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