I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
