I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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