Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
