i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
