tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
