I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
