Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
