i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
