i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
