At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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